Sadly my poor blog has been put on the back burner, but i'm in a short blogging mood so i figured i would list 15 things that i have loved doing during this deployment.

1. Making New Friends

2. Gaining  independence

3. Weekly breakfast/lunch/dinner with some of the coolest girls E.V.E.R

4. Working out

5. Hanging out with the kids

6. Having time to myself

7. READING

8. Having coffee with the girls

9.  Making some of the best memories lol

10. Learning more about myself, my relationship and my husband

11. Watching Brilie accomplish her goal

12. Having lunch with Connor and meeting all his friends at school

13. Movie Nights

14. Volunteering 

15. Watching my first Homecoming when we welcomed Advon home early this morning! <3

I read a book called "The Alchemy of Love" by Abigail Carter, it is a heart felt book about a widow who looses her husband during 9/11. After reading her book, it gave me a new insight on how to handle deployment. It is a great book and I hope you enjoy it if you ever choose to read it.

Overwhelmed

[Please refrain from giving me advice, i simply want to whine and vent]

Overwhelmed is an understatement of how i have been feeling lately. I cry at anything and everything, i get more upset easily at the smallest thing, sometimes i find myself wanting to just crawl in a whole and hibernate for a week, just to DO NOTHING! I get upset that Wes isn't here, [even though i know he is doing a very important job right now] i do have great friend that help me out, and are there to always chat, but sometimes i just want my husband here to help put the kids to bed, read them stories, do the laundry, get them ready for school, put up the groceries, take out the trash, wipe away the tears and even brush the dogs. Some of the simplest things are what i miss the most, having my hand held, laughing with him, getting kisses on the forehead in the kitchen while we cook dinner together, watching him help brilie with homework and seeing him and connor laugh as they play a game of dragos and lego men. I get angry when i read idiotic people write hateful things about our military men and women, and question why he is even over there if people don't care. I get up set seeing that congress has put a $7.50 price tag on what my husband misses per day. [ i  don't care about the money, its the thought of them putting a price tag on the things my husband misses out a day] I get jealous when my amazing friends get to chat with their husbands more than i do, i get jealous that their kids get to be more connected than mine do and i know its not right, and its nothing they have control over, but i'm just being honest. I get upset when people try and compare their significant other being gone for a couple of days to mine for months and months. I hate seeing Connor cry daily for Wes, and i even though Brilie doesn't cry like Connor does, i can still see the sacrifice she gives daily without fully understanding why, and that breaks my heart to see her miss her daddy. I know i have went on and on about what i "HATE" but there are some things that i do love. I love my husband for fighting for his country, even if that means having to leave us behind for a little while. I love that i have "re-connected" on a much bigger level that i ever thought possible with him. I have fallin in love with his voice, even facebook messenger. I love getting the butterflies back thinking about our "first kiss" I love how i have learned to stand on my own two feet, and become independent. I love the fact that i have met some pretty cool ladies because of this deployment. :) I learn something new about myself every day, and i have learned to take the good with the bad (because in the end, was the bad so bad anyway? ) I love the fact that i feel such an accomplishment that this deployment is coming to an end and we are all doing ok. 

The feelings i have are kind of similar to the end of a long pregnancy :) I find myself "nesting", crying, laughing, anxious, ready for whats ahead. It's been a long road and i feel that we have traveled it well, even if we do have a couple of hills. I just miss being complete, and time couldn't pass soon enough. But i know it will be my turn for our homecoming, and its a day my entire family can not wait for!!!!

Thanks Friends for letting me vent and whine.

Love to you all, with out the support ya'll have givin my family i think we would of broke down long ago. <3 

Done Leaving Daddy Behind

The clock is ticking and the calendar is moving along! Not much longer until our family will be complete again!! I've always wondered what this feeling would be like (because there is a chance that being military you WILL experience this) There are so many feelings, but just excitement is what comes to mind. I mean how many "civilians" get to experience this feeling? I think we are pretty lucky. Anyways Connor has defiantly had the hardest time with daddy being gone, he has never been away from him for to long. Brilie had an idea of what to expect because she was 4 when Wes left for boot camp.  Connor had a hard time celebrating every holiday, even tho i tried my very best to make it fun, (which we did have fun) but i know a huge piece was missing from all of us. Now that he knows we are on the down hill and daddy is coming home soon, he has now refused to do ANYTHING until Wes gets back. He wont do soccer, karate, football or even celebrate his birthday that is coming up in Feb. He told me to stop asking him because he wants to wait for daddy. I understand every bit of this and i'll do as he wishes and stop asking :) Soon we will all be complete again!

Testing Testing 1 2 3

The night of Jan 8th was one to remember and pray never happens again! :) It was a very relaxing day, kids played with their friends, i did laundry and cleaned house and then we decided to go to the station theater for Free Sunday and watch Breaking Dawn. After we left i put Brilie to bed and then Connor went to sleep in my bed about 10. At 10:30 i heard Connor make a funny sounding cough so as i was turning over to check on him he welcomed me to vomit land. [EWW] Poor kid just couldn't stop i think i was grabbing everything i could on the floor to help soak it all up. I gave us a quick shower and then settled down stairs on the couch, he was up every 30 mins getting sick, so i knew it would be a rough night. About 11:45ish i hear little feet running upstairs i prayed to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE not be Brilie. My prayers were not answered i soon heard the very familiar sound coming from up stairs. I went and got her cleaned up and brought her down stairs and put both kids on separate ends of the couch and this is how our night would go. Every 10 mins the kids would rotate on getting sick. I think this has been my hardest test so far during deployment [i'll take it] i was so tired, and i felt so helpless that i just wanted someone else to be at my house lol i was close to posting on facebook for someone to just come sit with me and help with the kids. I def. have to give props to my single parent friends, because i defiantly was throwing myself a pitty party because i was alone dealing with 2 kids with a bad virus. Anyways, the kids are feeling some what better, Connor is acting like nothing happened just been really tired from the lack of sleep, but miss Brilie still seems to be holding on to something, shes been real tired and still running a fever. Hopefully tonight will be better. :)

#148

Saturday Jan. 7th was my very first 5k in over 10years!  I'd made the decision about a month ago that i was going to run my first 5k and that i needed to start training for one. I'd heard about the couch to 5k training but i didn't have enough time to do the entire training like it suggested. So i decided that id just train myself lol. Then life happened. The holiday breaks came, Connor got chicken pox, Brilie ended up getting the "flu" like symptoms from the chicken pox but never got them. So my training time was spend at home taking care of 2 sick kids. Finally the holiday break was over and brilie was heading back to school, then i had to deal with the CDC and getting Connors epi pen updated so he missed a couple of days of school then. So in all i had 3 full days to train for this 5k lol.  My first accomplishment...running 3.07 miles in 33:03 min. around the track and not stopping! The next day i decided i was going to take a light jog outside base to the 32nd/3e light and back to base when i got to the light i decided it was time to make the run i'd told myself id run for 4yrs, to the airport and back to base. Whew that accomplishment i think meant more to me than just running 3 miles!! When i crossed the crack in the road at the gate where i started i seriously almost cried, just because i was so proud of myself! It was 3.71 miles, and i ran it in 39.01 mins. I dont think i stopped smiling that day! Friday came and i went to the gym and ran a mile on the treadmill, geez i can never run more than a mile on the dang treadmill, i even tried covering the time up and everything....no luck, i think with the smell and just not being able to concentrate i figured id just walk home and wish for the best on Saturday. That night my stomach was in knots because i was so nervous [yes i acted the same way before all events in high school]  I went to bed early. Saturday morning came and i thought i seen a glimpse of sun outside my window, i jumped up and grabbed my phone to look at the time...5:00 a.m. [UGH] i tried to go back to sleep but that was not happening! My mom called later that morning and gave me my pep talk and told me that she'd be sitting on facebook cheering me on. I got ready and took Connor to my friends house and off i went. Nerves were sure working hard on me the whole drive, i kept telling myself to just turn around lol. I went and registered and got my number. #148, i met a few new people and met up with some other 371 ladies. The race started and the adrenalin kicked in.  I instantly got tons of cheers off of my nike app that was sync'ed to my facebook [i knew it was my mom :) ] During the race i had tons of friends and even my hubby cheering me on, there were times when i'd realize my pace had slowed and i'd get a cheer over my music and i'd pick it back up. Who ever thought that would help me? Before i knew it i was sprinting across the finish line! I have no idea what place i came in, in my age group but i dont really care, all i cared about was that i made a new best time for myself i ran 3.27 miles in 30.56 mins. I was extremely happy!!! When i crossed i felt my iphone go off and i looked at it and it was a message from Wesley telling me how proud he was of me [yup i kind of started crying on the sidelines lol] What an amazing morning that was and i can't wait to do it again!!!! I really think everyone should find a goal and accomplish it, i plan to frame my tag with my number on it because i accomplished something for myself, by myself, man what a feeling. When i got home and told the kids they were SO happy for me, i was givin hugs and kisses. Connor also told me that since i didn't get a trophy that i could have his soccer trophy because he thought i deserved one :) I love that kid.

Great Day

Molly 

So this morning I made the decision that i was taking Bella to the dog park. I loaded her and Molly up and drove out there with the kids. I kept telling myself the whole time not to be nervous :) We went inside the dog park and she went to sniffing. Some other big dogs ran up and Bella was very nice and just sniffed them, one dog she got nervous around but it soon went away. Alot of the snow birds kept asking if it was our first time at the park (because she was on the leash), i told them yes, that i wanted her to get comfortable before letting her off. About 10 mins go by and an older man walks up to me and askes if its our first time, i told him yes and he automatically tells me to take her off the leash. [shocked] i explained to him that i didn't feel comfortable just yet with letting her off as this was our first time there. He decides to inform me that this wasn't about me [what really its not? :) ] He was telling me that im making my dog feel insecure because i wont let her off, when all the other dogs are off. At that moment tears crept up into my eyes, i could tell it was only a few mins before they would be rolling down my face. The guy tells me to let her off the leash, so like a child lol i did, he turned me around and wouldn't let me watch her, he told me that she was doing great, just meeting new friends and having fun. he kept an eye on her and wouldnt let me look for about 3 mins. the whole time im crying lol. Brilie comes up to me and hugs me and tells me she is so proud of me [wait...isn't it suppose to be the other way around?] When i turn around Bella is having the time of her life and the tears turn to happy tears. Molly and her are running back and forth around the dog park with all the other dogs. She even met a couple of new friends and i plan to take them both to the dog park every day [besides Tuesday since they are closed]. She had so much fun today and listened to me every time i called her name. After about an hour of running and playing she let me know she was ready to go home. Needless to say i was very thankful for the out spoken man from the dog park, he also informed me that i need to watch dog whisper to learn some things, bc thats where he gets all his information :) I think i will. On another good note, we have adopted another dog name Molly. She was our neighbors dog, but she fits in so perfect with our family and her and bella are best friends. She is the sweetest dog. Our family is complete [well minus one for the moment & until i have another baby..or 4] hahahha We love our dogs and i can see alot of time being spent at the dog park!

Big dog....no bark

As most of you know we have a dog named Bella, we adopted her from HSOY a year and a half ago. She is the best dog ever, shes great with my kids, great with other dogs [sometimes she doesn't realize how big she is] and she hardly bark, she is a very easy going lovable dog. We have taken her to Petsmart and she was enrolled  the training classes there and did really good. But, i'm scared to take her to the dog park here, i can't pin point why i start to get nervous and decided to not go. I'm not worried about her at all, shes a sweet sweet dog, but my heart starts racing every time i drive up to the dog park, it over takes me and i turn around and go home. I take her out all the time on base, we go for walks, go to the track, but the dog park scares me. Well we are dog sitting for our neighbors and today i decided to take their 2 small dogs to the dog park so i could get a sense of what its like there. My heart didn't race and the dogs did great, so why am i so scared to take my dog?? I dont know if its because shes bigger or what. Its a shame and i know she would love it up there, who knows maybe i can find the courage and take her without worrying.