Overwhelmed is an understatement of how i have been feeling lately. I cry at anything and everything, i get more upset easily at the smallest thing, sometimes i find myself wanting to just crawl in a whole and hibernate for a week, just to DO NOTHING! I get upset that Wes isn't here, [even though i know he is doing a very important job right now] i do have great friend that help me out, and are there to always chat, but sometimes i just want my husband here to help put the kids to bed, read them stories, do the laundry, get them ready for school, put up the groceries, take out the trash, wipe away the tears and even brush the dogs. Some of the simplest things are what i miss the most, having my hand held, laughing with him, getting kisses on the forehead in the kitchen while we cook dinner together, watching him help brilie with homework and seeing him and connor laugh as they play a game of dragos and lego men. I get angry when i read idiotic people write hateful things about our military men and women, and question why he is even over there if people don't care. I get up set seeing that congress has put a $7.50 price tag on what my husband misses per day. [ i don't care about the money, its the thought of them putting a price tag on the things my husband misses out a day] I get jealous when my amazing friends get to chat with their husbands more than i do, i get jealous that their kids get to be more connected than mine do and i know its not right, and its nothing they have control over, but i'm just being honest. I get upset when people try and compare their significant other being gone for a couple of days to mine for months and months. I hate seeing Connor cry daily for Wes, and i even though Brilie doesn't cry like Connor does, i can still see the sacrifice she gives daily without fully understanding why, and that breaks my heart to see her miss her daddy. I know i have went on and on about what i "HATE" but there are some things that i do love. I love my husband for fighting for his country, even if that means having to leave us behind for a little while. I love that i have "re-connected" on a much bigger level that i ever thought possible with him. I have fallin in love with his voice, even facebook messenger. I love getting the butterflies back thinking about our "first kiss" I love how i have learned to stand on my own two feet, and become independent. I love the fact that i have met some pretty cool ladies because of this deployment. :) I learn something new about myself every day, and i have learned to take the good with the bad (because in the end, was the bad so bad anyway? ) I love the fact that i feel such an accomplishment that this deployment is coming to an end and we are all doing ok.
The feelings i have are kind of similar to the end of a long pregnancy :) I find myself "nesting", crying, laughing, anxious, ready for whats ahead. It's been a long road and i feel that we have traveled it well, even if we do have a couple of hills. I just miss being complete, and time couldn't pass soon enough. But i know it will be my turn for our homecoming, and its a day my entire family can not wait for!!!!
Thanks Friends for letting me vent and whine.
Love to you all, with out the support ya'll have givin my family i think we would of broke down long ago. <3
